Athena/Tight

Athena

In the spaces between action
I find too little, I find a place to
Realize my naked fears.
In the silences I crave, yet avoid
I find too much, I find a place that
Echoes with dangerous thoughts.

I fill and occupy and consume and murder
The emptiness
But it always comes back to life
Rearing its frighteningly beautiful head.

I imagine that life is found
Outside quiet moments
I pretend to need distraction, diversion
When what I truly live on
Is the peace of Nothing and Everything
That is found in the spaces
If I will let myself go
There.

Tight

I do not like, know, recognize or want
This body
The eyes I know, the soul I recognize
It is troubled, floundering
Suffocating, indecisive

This is not new or surprising
The fierce longing, the ache for more
(The Nameless More)
The desperation to touch beauty
And the dark ghosts that numb it

It is me. I am that soul
Crouching inside skin, bone, fat
Afraid to be seen, but wanting
So much to just be known
Without explaining

The voice of my younger self
Still resides in me
Doing what she can to
Pull me into her web
But I can't seem to remember
How to speak her dark language anymore

I understand it, without question
I hear it in my head, my soul
But my lips are those of a woman
Who cannot go back far enough
To say those words again

So there is not peace behind these eyes
Inside this body
That is my burden
How could there be?